kristenmckeever

Today, I was going through the blogs and came across more than one about people wanting to lose there weight quicker like the people on The Biggest Loser. Alright…I am a fan of the show. But I am really bothered that people are blogging about this. I really feel like so many people are just looking at it as WOW there cutting there calories and working out “hard” and there losing double digits weekly.

These contestants go from not working out at all, eating around 4000-5000 calories a day then go on The Biggest Loser and start working out at least 6 hours a day and eating 1200-1500 calories a day!!! Yes, your body is going to body drop weight rapidly! The majority of the contestants are morbidly obese.  !! The one smallest girl this year is the one dropping the least amount of weight every week! It’s a TV show for heaven sakes…so there not gonna make it boring! So it breaks my heart when people think and expect they should be losing just like the people on The Biggest Loser.  I wish people would gain from the motivation and tips that comes with show and not get discouraged on their 2 or 3lbs a week.

Just my opinion, hope that doesn’t offend anyone.

Well, come Friday it’s gonna be time for me to put on my Halloween costume! My costume is what I’ve been thinking about when dang near all the time! I’m nervous….actually I’m scared to death! I’m 2 lbs from my mini-goal, which is great and I know I could of done it but I had a wedding this weekend and we drank ALOT and had a great time and I wasn’t gonna miss out on any of it!

I tried on my costume last night and it’s cute, not fabulous like years past but it will do! The part that scares me to death is there will be alot of people there that I haven’t seen since I was skinny! So now being big and getting big so fast really bothers. I know I’m still gonna look “big” but I guess I don’t really have a choice! But I do know I’ve been working my ass off just to wear this flippin’ costume! : ) I know I would be alot better off if I didn’t worry about what people thought of me…but I always have.

I’m really beginning to think I can to this losing weight battle…I made the 11lb mark in a month! Which I’m happy with but I can’t lie I would love for it come off faster but I understand it can’t. This is one the longest times I’ve gone without binging which is another awesome thing! Even with things hard as hell right now in my life and me being completely unhappy I’m still able to stay on a path and be excited to get on the scale to see improvement. Which I have never been able or strong enough to do!

I was wondering why I joined this website…and my boyfriend made it clear this morning. I was so excited that I had lost 5 lbs in 2 weeks. So I called him this morning as soon as I got off the scale and told him. His response…”Cool…now if u just add some cardio….” I shouldn’t act surprised but I am. He’s the best support I have though. My mom is wayyyyy worse. I know it may not sound bad to some of you and I may sound like I’m over reacting but to me it’s always been….nothing is acceptable. It hurts my feelings so bad. I feel likes its just as bad if they were saying something actually hurtful. I was taught not wear my feelings or let anybody see my feelings but since trying to take control of this eating disorder I feel like an emotional wreck! : ))  It’s a hard thing to swallow when I am excited about something that is REALLY important to me and the most key people in my life act like I didn’t do enough.

Hello new day! Well that will probably be the most positive thing statement in this whole blog! I am so close to rock bottom it’s gonna be hard for anybody to even hear me scream. Just when I feel like I’m doing a tiny bit better…it ALWAYS changes! I’m becoming use to things being ok or great for a week or so then it going to a crappy, low, no motivation stage! Two years ago I thought I was at rock bottom! A year ago…I thought things could not dare get worse and I couldn’t dare let myself get any bigger….Ohhhh but things got worse and I did get bigger! I’m not happy with my life at all…I feel like I’m on a constant rollercoaster that never stops! I understand apart of it is being young and figuring out who you are and where you belong but this Ridiculous!  Back to my love hate relationship with food and what caused such a negative blog. The past 4 days have been in this “eat whatever mood” and I have no clue what set it off! The days before it I could fight it off any binge cravings by thinking….Halloween costume…Halloween costume…Halloween costume… but these 4 days it was balls to the wall eating! Now Monday I feel fat, bloat and pissed and borderline like throwing in the towel!!!! (Like I have every other time!)

I am soooo sick and tired of doing “good” for a couple weeks and then it becomes unbearable! I want the worse possible for me at those times! I’ve been fighting with binge eating for about 2 years now. I have been to eating disorder clinics, been on meds, and talk to several therapists and nutritionists! Somehow, I still have these cravings and urges to binge! I have put on about 85lbs in about a year and half and it has made me MISERABLE! I will lose a several lbs and then with 1 or 2 binges gain it all back! It has been a vicious circle! I just want to be able to eating normal again!